


Q&A

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: YouTube AU [1]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Also Stephen is Asian as always when I write him, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, M/M, Random & Short, Youtube AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 19:55:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Peter grins, “Q&A, this should be fun. How many of those reference threesomes?” he asks Tony, who snorts. Stephen makes an annoyed noise too and Tony happens to know that’s his least favorite question. They get asked frequently too.“A lot. I had JARVIS gather the questions that got repeated the most and that was in the top three of the most asked,” he says.





	Q&A

**Author's Note:**

> I liked this oneshot so I'm making a lil series out of it!

Peter grins, “Q&A, this should be fun. How many of those reference threesomes?” he asks Tony, who snorts. Stephen makes an annoyed noise too and Tony happens to know that’s his least favorite question. They get asked frequently too.

“A lot. I had JARVIS gather the questions that got repeated the most and that was in the top three of the most asked,” he says.

Stephen rolls his eyes, “let me guess, ‘don’t you get jealous?’ and ‘what do you tell your family/friends/ or potential children?’ are the other two.”

Tony nods, “predictably, yes. The good news is that we’ll answer your frankly quite invasive questions regarding our sex life and a couple off the wall questions I think are fun,” he says.

Stephen and Peter exchange a look of what can only be described as pain and honestly that’s just  _rude_. He’d obviously pick the good questions. “Okay,” Tony says, “lets just hop in with the threesome question.”

He looks at Peter to answer but of course its Stephen who decides to jump in. “I don’t understand this question- aside from it being  _highly_  invasive I work 100 hour work weeks. Do you think I have the energy to come home and figure out the logistics of a threesome? No. The number of hands and holes on one body are more than enough for me,” Stephen says curtly. Peter and Tony exchange a look before they start cackling. “Stop laughing, this question is absurd,” Stephen tells them, giving the two of them a disapproving glare.

“You know what, I don’t really mind threesomes but never had any with either of you. Which is weird but guess now I know why- Stephen thinks threesomes involve too many holes,” Peter says, doubling over as he cackles some more.

Stephen looks irritated. “There are six hands in a threesome considering none of us are missing appendages, where do you put them all? That’s too many hands, we’re not a spider.” Tony leans over, laughing along with Peter while Stephen sighs and waits for them to get their shit together.

“I’m actually with Stephen, too much effort,” Tony says. “Figuring out one person is difficult enough so figuring out two people and also how they work with each other? Too much logistical work.” Peter frowns at him so he suspects he’s overthought that but Stephen looks vindicated so maybe he hasn’t. 

“Is anyone going to point out that spiders have eight legs?” Peter asks.

Stephen rolls his eyes, “you know what I meant,” he tells Peter.

“Okay, question two- jealousy. Duh, we’re human, it happens. Its just that I don’t see why my jealousy should hold someone else back. That’s my problem, not theirs,” Tony says. Unless someone has acted in a way they’ve decided was off limits than why should his jealousy be someone else’s problem? And if someone has stepped out of bounds than have a damn conversation about it. Actually that’s terrible advice from him, he avoids conversations like the plague, but  _still_.

Stephen makes a brief noise of annoyance. “Well, I’ve never been good at sharing, it took getting used to but eventually the desire to rip Peter’s head off disappeared. I suspect this correlates strongly with my realization that you’re not a complete waste to society,” he tells Peter.

Peter makes an offended face, “hey, how come I was the one you didn’t like?” he asks. “Tony had alcoholism!”

“Addiction isn’t a set of annoying personality traits, its a mental illness. And he got over that eventually. You, however, were probably the most irritating human I’ve ever come across but you grew on me. Like mold,” Stephen says primly. “And I actually do like your movies- I appreciate the medical accuracy.”

Peter snorts, “only because I’d never hear the end of it if it wasn’t accurate. I can’t believe you didn’t like me,” he says in a sulky tone.

“In my defense,” Stephen says, “Tony is the best at what he does, I am the best at what I do, and I don’t even count making films as a profession. You fiddle with cameras, that’s not difficult. But I’ve learned to appreciate your little art projects.” He waves a hand around, completely ignoring how offended Peter is, except its genuine this time.

“You  _do_  know he has a more competitive profession than I do, right? I mean its easy for me to be the best at what I do when I’m just like that but Peter actually has to work for it and he can do everything right but still fail. I have the luxury of not having to deal with the consequences even when I  _do_  fail,” he points out. He has money to burn and if Peter screws one thing up he could be toast permanently. “Also his schedule is  _way_  more grueling than either of ours if he’s on set.”

Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn’t, but if he’s writing that’s still a lot of work. If he’s directing his alarms go off so early Tony has literally thrown his alarm clocks against walls to shut them up. If he’s sleeping he’s damn well going to sleep. And if Stephen is up he’s damn intent on making sure they’re  _all_  up. 

Stephen lets out a huff, “sure,” he says, nose in the air.

“You are  _rude_  today,” Peter mumbles at him. “Also I don’t give a  _fuck_  about jealousy. I mean yeah sometimes I feel it but you know, whatever,” he says.

Stephen squints at him, “that’s not at all true, half the reason I disliked you when we first met was because you constantly felt the need to rub your relationship with Tony in my face and I couldn’t say anything about it, you made sure no cameras were around when you did it so I had no proof,” Stephen says.

As usual Tony doesn’t know anything about this. “What the shit, Peter?” he asks and Peter shrugs.

“I just wanted it to be known that I’m important,” he says, arms crossed over his chest and nose in the air.

“No wonder Stephen is a dick about your movies, you earned that,” he tells him. “You probably should have told me anyways, Peter isn’t any good at detecting blind spots in my systems fifty mile rap sheet be damned,” he adds to Stephen. 

“Well now its too late, I’ve already watched all his stupid musicals,” Stephen says, irritated with this.

Peter frowns, “you’ve watched my musicals?” he asks. “You hate musicals, you once told me they sound like an orchestra of particularly loud yowling cats.”

Stephen sighs, “I assumed you liked them for a reason so I watched some. I would say the reason is that you’re a tone deaf idiot who doesn’t understand story if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve seen your movies and its clear you understand story. So I guess you’re just tone deaf,” he says begrudgingly, like his backhanded compliment has been been pulled from his brain against his will.

Peter looks touched, “that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Tony snorts, “Jesus Christ that’s sad. Stephen, grow emotions. So kids. I don’t know, have a fucking normal conversation with them? I mean they wouldn’t even know any different until they started meeting other kids with only two parents,” he points out.

“I hate kids,” Stephen says simply.

“I  _want_  kids,” Tony says, shocked that they’ve never mentioned this before.

“And I don’t give a shit either way, but if you can’t explain ‘three people can love each other’ to your shitty kid that’s a big bucket of not my problem. Just three perfectly valid but different opinions,” Peter says in a sad attempt to break up the sudden awkwardness. “We’re just going to ignore that forever now, what’s the next question Tony?” he asks when that doesn’t work.

Tony considers pressing his point but decides to do that off camera. “Hmm. Guess we’ll go with the one about Peter’s criminal record. People seem to be confused about it since we mention it so much but we’ve never like... discussed your origins,” he says.

Peter grins, “well it started with that time I got kidnapped by aliens-” Stephen stands, interrupting Peter.

“I’m sorry, I’m finished with this relationship. I can’t be with someone who believes in that bunk,” he says and Tony grabs his hand.

“Sit your ass down, that’s the plot of Guardians of the Galaxy, not his fucking life,” he says.

Thankfully Stephen sits. “Right, I forgot about that. Then that annoying blue bastard and the child sing about Peter’s daddy issues,” he says and Peter frowns, looking surprised.

“You’ve watched Guardians of the Galaxy?” he asks.

“Yes I watched your irritating self-insert musical space opera that you obviously wrote in an attempt to work out your family drama. My favorite part was when you blew your father up,” Stephen says. 

“To be fair,” Peter says, “ _fuck_  that guy. I can’t believe you watched that.”

Stephen shrugs, “I heard you blew up Ego so I was rather eager to watch. I hated it but that part almost made it worth it.”

“I had no idea you hated my dad so much. I mean I get it, but like... not like you have a personal stake in all the shit he did,” Peter points out.

Stephen frowns, “did I not tell you I was the one who looked into your mother’s rather suspicious death? I wasn’t sure I’d find anything but after watching that sanctimonious prick nearly ruin your career I was rather intent on making sure he damn well suffered. I found a little more than I bargained for but I did ensure he’d rot in prison for the rest of his life for what he did to you and you know, everyone else but I don’t care about them,” Stephen says.

Peter blinks, shocked by this and Tony forgot they hadn’t mentioned it. He’d helped, Stephen hardly has the tech knowledge to get some of the records he needed, but it had been his plan all along. Turns out Stephen has a deep vengeful streak that Tony has decided would make him a rather formidable enemy. “Oh,” Peter says softly. “Thanks. And seriously, I can’t stress enough-  _fuck_  Ego, what a god damn asshole.”

Tony sighs and decides to perform wrangling duties. Its basically a meme by now, someone making sure they get back on track. “Anyways, Peter’s origins- he got kidnapped as a kid by a group of thieves because, and this is an actual quote, ‘he was good for thievin’.”

“That’s a line in Guardians,” Stephen says correctly.

“It fit in there and also yeah its true. Taser Face is a real guy also,” Peter says. “Anyways yeah, I funded my trip to film school off the profits of robbing the  _shit_  out of rich people. Got busted a lot, but didn’t get busted even more so. And I only went to jail once and that’s where I met Rocket- my editor, dude is a  _genius_. And yeah, I included that in Guardians too because its fucking cool, ok.”

Stephen looks like he’s in pain so Tony decides to move on. “Okay, someone asks if we’ll go back to monogamy,” he says.

“Fuck monogamy,” Peter says instantly.

“If I give up my relationships with the two of you its because I’m dead,” Stephen says and Peter laughs.

“I love how dramatic you are. Its your best quality,” he says, enthused.

Tony shrugs, “I never really cared for it. I’m most fond of the open relationship structure but Stephen is actually really awful with jealousy and I’m not totally convinced he would resist turning into a serial killer if we tried that. Seriously, you have some jealousy issues,” he tells Stephen.

“I wouldn’t  _murder_  anyone, I’m a  _doctor_!” he says like that somehow makes him incapable of murder. “Psychological warfare is not off the table though,” he adds, sounding much more like his regular self.

Peter squints, “get therapy, dude.”

Tony snorts, “like any of us would do that even though we all need it. Seriously though Stephen, you really need to work on the jealousy thing- we still love you even if we aren’t dedicating out every waking moment to you. You’re just dramatic and needy. Speaking of- I’ll skip the seven paragraphs that basically amount to an ode to how much this person hates Stephen and just ask as the question- he’s an asshole, so why are we with him?”

Peter shrugs, “sure he’s a stone cold bitch but I love him,” he says.

Tony raises an eyebrow, “that’s apt. Seriously though, despite his flaws- of which there are  _many_ \- he’s actually pretty loving. He just hides it under insults and arrogance a little.”

“A  _lot_ ,” Peter corrects. “But then he does stuff like get revenge on your shithole father and not even take proper credit for it so I mean what’s a guy got to complain about?”

Stephen frowns, “was that really asked so much that it was wrangled by JARVIS?” he asks.

Tony nods, “its the fourth most asked question,” he confirms.

“Over the monogamy one?” he asks and Tony nods. “Good god, am I really that bad?”

“You’ve spent the majority of this video personally insulting me so yeah,” Peter points out. Stephen, to his credit, looks properly horrified by this.

“Okay, since I know this question will transition nicely with Stephen’s current feelings- this person asks for something we’ve never told anyone,” Tony says. Not surprising that that one had been popular considering Tony and Peter are pop culture celebrities and Stephen is impressive in his own right so he kept it in.

Stephen sighs, intuiting that he’s supposed to go first here. “I keep up with your work,” he tells Peter. “Obsessively. I almost know about things happening in your career before you do, its why I’m never surprised when you tell us you’ve got a new project. And I don’t  _really_  look down on filmmaking as a career even if I think that its stupid and meaningless, I mostly just don’t like expressing positive feelings towards people I care about because it gives them the power to hurt me later,” he says.

Peter raises an eyebrow, “wow. So you’re a dick because you love me, that’s not sweet at all- hey, why aren’t you a dick to Tony then?” he asks.

“Firstly there was that time he told me Dummy was the single stupidest creation on this earth and also there was the time he told me JARVIS could be a Black Mirror episode,” Tony says. “Also he consistently is an ass to Christine even though he talks about how great she is whenever she isn’t around,” he adds. “Its his flawed version of how he shows love.”

“Also Tony consistently sees through the facade and you don’t. I know its a stupid thing to do and it ultimately pushes people away and then I end up where I didn’t want to be,” Stephen says. “But here I am, insulting your Mary Sues in literally every project you’ve ever made- do you  _know_  how not to write yourself in?” he asks.

“No and its my style, I  _like_  it,” Peter tells him, nose in the air.

Tony gives Stephen a  _look_ , knowing his actual opinion on this and he sighs. “It works surprisingly well with your formats and even if half your characters are you you still give them compelling character arcs,” Stephen mumbles.

Peter looks enthused and Tony goes back to wrangling. “Okay, back on track. Something I’ve never told anyone- I lost my virginity at twenty two,” he says. Peter and Stephen look shocked and he’s sure everyone else will too. “Yeah. I dated someone I shouldn’t have- older woman and I use woman intentionally- she was a fucking creep considering I was a teen. Anyways Sunset claimed she slept with me, then someone else did too when it got Sunset attention, and then suddenly I fucked half the school and you know how easy it is to get a reputation and how hard it is to lose it. So I just went with it and then I became this like  _legendary_  guy for sleeping around when I’ve only actually been with like ten people and the first person I slept with was Rhodey.”

Stephen and Peter stare in shock. “You’ve only slept with ten people? I... you... prefer an open relationship structure,” Stephen says and Tony shrugs.

“I like dates and you two are busy a lot,” he says in way of an explanation.

“You... slept with  _Rhodey_?” Peter asks.

Tony nods. “I know I got a lot of flack for it but whenever people used to ask if I remembered them or whatever and I’d flippantly say no its because I never slept with them. Turns out dismissing them like that only makes people think you’re callus enough to have forgotten their names though.”

“Shit,” Peter says, “I was going to tell people that that part where the kid from Guardians tells everyone Flash Gordon is his dad was lifted directly from my childhood and that my only friend for seventeen years of my life was a rat I found outside that probably wasn’t even the same rat but  _damn_ that’s so much better. Ten people and two of them are me and Stephen and a third is Rhodey?” He shakes his head, obviously shocked.

“Fourth is Pepper,” Tony tells them. “And I’m not naming any more names- point is I’ve never been some kind of suave ladies man. Have you  _heard_  my pickup lines? Do you really think they’d work on actual,  _breathing_  women? The answer is no.” Except Christine, but he suspects she decided access to his house was useful to her story and he admires her tenaciousness. He’d been rather surprised that the article had been pleasant so maybe she saw something there that hadn’t been anywhere else. And they’re still good friends now so there’s that.

“Our confessions were shit,” Peter tells Stephen.

“How were we supposed to know Tony’s dick hasn’t been ridden by half the world? You’re quite good for not having a huge amount of experience,” he adds and Tony smiles a little.

“I’m actually extremely good at reading body language in bed. Its literally the only time I have a shred of emotional intelligence,” he says.

“We need to step up our game,” Peter decides.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
